Oh Hai

Obsessing over beauty

This trip back home is feeling more like a chore than a vacation.

I think bf is annoyed that i said id cook dinner but never started bc im so exhuasted and want to sleep.

:(

Ill admit.

Ive kept pretty quiet about this condition since it began, only confiding in my mother and boyfriend over the issue. It occured to me the other day that what i am experiencing is real.
Ive had chronic pain and fatigue for around 5 years now.
In my mind it has always been just a reason of not getting enough rest or not eating a proper diet, or even because i danced ballet everyday for 14 years…
But as i have adjusted my schedule and my diet my issues have only continued as was or have gotten worse.

When i think about what i will tell my doctor, my eyes begin to well with tears of embaressment.

Im 25. There is no reason i should feel this way, and every time ive attempted to discuss this issue i have been told its because im depressed.

IM NOT FUCKING DEPRESSED.
UGH. Im sad because i have this issue and there has been no resolution. Im sad because i feel guilty for sleeping too much, for skipping class because im too tired and in too much pain to sit in a room for three hours.
Im sad because i stopped cooking real dinners because by the afternoon i have no energy to stand and my bones and muscles hurt.
Im sad because i have gained weight, and every time i do work out i feel 1000X worse the next day.
Simple things that wear normal people out for a day take me days to recover from.
I helped a friend move on sat and im still sore and in pain.
I skipped class to nap yesterday snd it only made me feel even worse.

Im so over this. Im so tired of people saying im lazy or sick all the time.
You have no fucking clue what i feel like and if you did you too would want and need someones understanding…
So fuck all of you.
And body. Fuck you too!


-rant over.